How do you feel being an amputee devotee?

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Re: How do you feel being an amputee devotee?

Post: # 52975Unread post Captain Canada
18 Oct 2020, 04:36

Not gonna sugarcoat it: easily the single worst aspect of my life.

Let me preface this by saying that I've long since accepted that this attraction is what it is. I'm not self-hating, a freak, or a sadist (might be a masochist, though?). I'm not attracted to the suffering of disabled women. It's their functioning - their overcoming and being effective, complete, and fulfilled people despite having visibly less to work with than able-bodied women - that attracts me. It's the ways that they move, that they adapt, that they get on with things. That mixture of strength and vulnerability is potent. Something about it tells me that this person has some awesome in her that's worth seeing for myself. Instead of going 'dem child-bearing hips = Mmmm', my caveman brain's wired to say 'one leg woman mek stronk bebbies'. Physically, yeah, it's the impaired limb(s) that are a large part of the direct, visible focus of the attraction, and that definitely brings up feelings of guilt. For reasons of stigma surrounding disability, a biological aversion to injury, and exclusionary normalized beauty standards, visible disabilities are not a source of self-confidence for a lot of people who live with them. Having that be the focus of a partner's sexual attraction can feel not only like objectification, but objectification of something that they may consider the "single worst aspect of my life." I guess there's some irony in that. Anyways, I don't think that I objectify women, disabled or not. You can have the nicest stump going, but if it's attached to a dumbass, it ain't gonna do much for me. Still, sometimes I wonder. That, anyways, leads me to why I hate being a dev:

My attraction to non-amputees and non-paraplegics is very limited, so I basically don't have meaningful romantic relationships unless I find a partner who lives with one of those disabilities. I'm a reasonably good-looking guy and pretty handy with words too. Yet, having been on this planet more than thirty years, I've had two serious girlfriends. There have been multiple opportunities for relationships with able-bodied women who I've really liked and connected with that I've turned down or had to end because the physical attraction wasn't there. It would've been as unfair to them as it was uncomfortable for me to continue. I 'came out' to two of them because they started blaming themselves when things didn't work. Their senses of self-worth were attacked and I needed to let them know that there was no fault on their part and that they were worthy and deserving of love. One reacted with disgust and the other with understanding and philosophical musing. When it comes to my guy friends, going out to things like clubs, bars, and concerts can be weird. My lack of 'making moves' on women gets noticed. I've had more than one earnestly ask me if I was gay (FTR, I probably skew slightly bi at most). It definitely gives us one less piece of common ground to stand on and finding common ground forms the bedrock of most relationships.

I don't like dealing in universals, but I think that most people desire companionship in their lives, perhaps above almost everything else. On that subject, think about how difficult it is to find someone that you really, truly connect with, that you're compatible with, and that you'd like to spend your 'forever' with. You need to consider personality, interests, appearance, age, sense of humour, intelligence, convenience (not about to date someone on the other side of the world), and other factors. If/when you find someone who ticks all of those boxes, you have to see if she does it for more than just a few months of dating. If it works out, that's seriously special and an amazing feeling. I think we can all acknowledge, however, that reaching that point isn't straightforward.

Now, imagine that all of those usual factors apply but you have this paraphilia and it's connected to an exceedingly rare type of individual. With this in mind, let's decrease the pool of available partners to roughly 0.1% (one-thousandth) of what it was before, basically making that whole process described above a thousand times harder. On top of that, due to a mixture of how society tells her to feel about her own body and the actions of a few creepy men on the internet, take your ideal partner and flip a coin as to whether or not she'll want nothing to do with you because you're a dev. That, in a nutshell, is why I hate being one. When it comes to finding meaningful love, we're really up against it on numbers alone. The way that I see things, there are five possible outcomes that apply to the vast majority of us. I present to you A Devotee's Path to Happily Ever After!™:

  1. You build major portions of your life and identity around your attraction, becoming heavily involved with the amputee or general disability communities to maximize your chances of meeting a partner. This actually gives you a non-negligible chance of finding your ideal woman, but you have to sacrifice a lot of other things for that. Your interests, talents, time, and finances all take a back seat. You could very well find that special someone and live happily ever after, but you're still probably shooting around .400 or so.
  2. You don't make any concerted effort, but the cookie crumbles your way and you get incredibly lucky. You find that beautiful one-legged woman that makes your heart sing, she's a match in all or most relevant ways, and you get to live happily ever after (lucky bast*rd). The chances of this happening are just crazy levels of slim, though. If this is you, congrats, bro. You're a unicorn. Go prance around somewhere, you magnificent beast.
  3. Still very unlikely, but less so, is that you find someone who's not a great match but who fits your paraphilia and is as insecure and/or desperate as you (or is just a really nice person, maybe?), and you maintain a more or less dysfunctional relationship based on good s*x and mutual dependence. I've been here. It felt bad. It was bad, for both of us. Don't do this, man. Really.
  4. You live out your life with few or no meaningful s*xual relationships. Marriage and kids? DFKM bro. Maybe you come to terms with yourself and have enough other meaningful things in your life that you can achieve a sort of tenuous inner peace and be a decent overall guy. You can convince yourself that life is satisfying and you might not even be totally lying. I feel like this is where most of us end up, to be honest.
  5. Then there's the 'bad ending'. Love sh*ts on you (expected). Life sh*ts on you (bonus!). Things kind of stop meaning much. All that's left is the fleeting, momentary pleasure offered by p0rn or, failing that, being a creepy online stalker! Maybe you're one of those fifty year old eastern European dudes who makes weird comments that he doesn't think are weird on some twenty-one year old woman's instagram. Maybe, as a man of culture, you try the big-brain play of pretending to be disabled (and possibly a woman) yourself because of course you're not cringeworthy levels of obvious and why would anybody ever think you're not who you say you are online? If either of these are you, I'd like to say:

    f*ck you.

    Sincerely,
    The rest of us



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Re: How do you feel being an amputee devotee?

Post: # 53049Unread post skippiebg
21 Oct 2020, 21:20

I subscribe to the above almost entirely and thank you for it. (I'll forgive the East European jibe, being an East European myself :) I have always tried to behave as a gentleman and not a Borat...)

The bit I can't quite imagine is abstinence from s*ex with able bodied women. I have had plenty of that and would forever regret not having yet much more of it!!! Wonderful preparation, if ever the call of devotee duty comes. Plus, for me at least, human fantasy is quite able to convert even the most able bodied of women into one-legged queens! Like anything else, it needs to be exercised to work well. Nudge, nudge... wink, wink... :) !!!

The one thing that was available in my day (the 1980s and 90s) and isn't now is amputee/devotee get-togethers. Went on three. Would go again like a shot, but am happily married and getting old. Not sure there are any now, though... Anyway, they made very short work of the vanishing odds you so rightly mention! There was no internet then, and there is now But sadly, for me it is the hiding place of conmen/women and signally fails to live up to its promise, at least as far as real-life joy goes. Okay for onanistic pleasures only :)

Working with the disabled community is anpother tack I tried to shorten the odds. Didn't work for me. I learned that disability (apart from the fantasy feminine disability in our erotic imaginations) equals old age, maleness, borderline poverty, and scary neediness.

Anyway, good luck!



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Re: How do you feel being an amputee devotee?

Post: # 53050Unread post skippiebg
21 Oct 2020, 21:57

I am shooting very much from the hip here, but it has been said "publish and be damned"... Needless to say, any similarity to persons living or dead is incidental and there is nothing personal in any of what follows...

---

I personally feel devoteeism slides along the sadism and masochism, or voyeurism and exhibitionism axis. Devotees are sadists and voyeurs. Amputees are masochists and exhibitionists. (By the way, devs are also masochits/exhibitionists.)

Masochists demonistrate weaknesses (inferiorities). Amputees demonistrate weakness by comparison with able-bodied people. This places them in the role of masochists. It is this weakness that exerts a sexual attraction on devotees (sadist/voyeurs).

In turn, devotees parading amputee partners in public also signal a weakness to those around them. Since their partners have a weakness, it follows (in conventional thinking, which is all we have to use as an arena) that devs have been unable to find partners without a weakness. This in turn puts devotees in the role of masochists. Devotees derive sexual gratification from that role, too.

Devotees play the role of sadist/voyeurs masochits/exhibitionists entirely consciously. It is the opposite with amputees: the vast majority of them play the role of masochist/exhibitionist entirely unawares. (Never mind that it is only in the eyes of devs that they play that role!)

Amputees use a variety of aids to minimise or cover up their disability. Yet, devotees sexualise all there aids. This in turn subverts their purpose, at least as regards devotees. The same applies to the terminology of amputation and practically all aspects of it, to the extent that nothing to do with it is free of innuendo as far as devotees are concerned.

So, as a devotee I feel embarrassed since I twist and modify the state of amputation from a neutral physical status into a sexualised status by imposing unwanted and embarrassing roles onto amputees.

Moreover, I feel devoteeism subverts and poisons relationships between devotees and those around them:

- In the ideal relationship (between a compatible devotee and amputee) the amputee is apt to suspect that the devotee is only in it for the stump, rather than the character;

- In the usual average/less optimal relationship between a devotee and an amputee, the amputee is always going to fear the devotee is only in it for the stump, plus that the devotee would ditch them for a more compatible amputee;

- In the otherwise ideal relationship (between a compatible devotee and able-bodied partner), the partner would be concerned the devotee would ditch them for an amputee;

- In the usual average/less optimal relationship between a devotee and an able-bodied partner, the partner would always fear being ditched for an amputee.

Devoteeism also damages relationships between devotees and their families and friends. As a minimum, these people would be concerned about the devotee's reaction to encountering an amputee in public.

All the above scenarios obtain only if the devottism is known to devotees' partners, family and friends. Devotees can always conceal it. Doing so, however, renders them deceitful. It is bad to live a lie. It is reprehensible to make others live it. Not to mention that lies have a way of coming out, and that the process is usually hurtful.

Devoteeism also damages devotees' own lives. As mentioned in the excellent posting above mine, the likelihood of their meeting a compatible amputee is vanishingly tiny. Indeed, the probability of any relationship with an amputee is vanishingly small, especially bearing in mind devotees' renowned inclusion/exclusion specialisms (such as RAK but not LAK, leg but not arm, crutch but not prosthesis, etc, ad nauseam). Add to that the very great likelihood that an encounter with an amputee would damage existing relationships.



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Re: How do you feel being an amputee devotee?

Post: # 53057Unread post Romka
22 Oct 2020, 15:37

skippiebg wrote:
21 Oct 2020, 21:57
devotees parading amputee partners in public also signal a weakness to those around them
I widely agree with all your and your colleague's statements, apart from this one.
To me, proudly showing up in public with an amputee partner adds on social status to you. It conveys you can afford providing food and shelter plus all the handicap-related needs to a women, who in return may well have troubles finding a job or any kind of stable income. Also the fact that you visibly flout general conventions when it comes to partner selections shows you make your decisions free from other people's judgment - clearly a sign you are somewhat superior.
I had the priviledge of taking a walk with an amputee lady only once outside Russia or the "Western World". The first reaction of the starring crowd was a mixture of curiosity and pity, followed by some kind of deep respect when seeing my defying and self confident look. The all seemed to respect my more than inconventional choice.



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Re: How do you feel being an amputee devotee?

Post: # 53075Unread post skippiebg
23 Oct 2020, 01:47

Romka wrote:
22 Oct 2020, 15:37
I widely agree with all your and your colleague's statements, apart from this one ... To me, proudly showing up in public with an amputee partner adds on social status to you ... The first reaction of the starring crowd was a mixture of curiosity and pity, followed by some kind of deep respect when seeing my defying and self confident look.
You are actually agreeing with me! People can "slide" along the sadism/masochism axis, or even occupy both ends at the same time. Thus, something that prompts shame can equally well prompt pride; something that causes pain can equally well cause sexual excitement, something that is a huge turn-off one day can become a massive turn-on the next, et cetera...

This forum had a topic on devotees presenting amputee partners to their parents -- clearly a topic of shared concern. I submit that one of the reasons why devotees fear parental judgement is because their parents might pity them for failing to find able-bodied partners. I stress that here we are only discussing the lowest common denominator of conventional and basic reactions -- things would, of course, be entirely different in your family.

I have partnered visibly one-legged girls and women in public on one or two occasions over the past 35 years. Onlookers' reactions have tended to be inscrutable. Women consistently looked more friendly, relaxed, and supportive. Men tended to be troubled, guilty, or aloof. But, again, I was discussing the most basic of reactions and impressions -- not real-life situations.



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Re: How do you feel being an amputee devotee?

Post: # 53140Unread post Romka
24 Oct 2020, 11:52

OK, if you interpret it as act of sadism/masochism or sexual excitement, I do not argue. I'm no professional psychologist at all.

The other issue of presenting partners to parents is another interesting one indeed. I think it is the main reason why devotees end up getting married to conventional women. While I would not mind at all presenting an amputee lady since the age of approx. 30 neither fearing contempt nor conflicts, by the age of 25 or below - no way. And I'm sure this is quite a typical development path among us. But at this self-confident age, most of them have already found their two-legger and luckily, their love and marriage does excellent in many cases - the hidden passion gets restricted to image-spotting.



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Re: How do you feel being an amputee devotee?

Post: # 53911Unread post matzen
05 Dec 2020, 20:28

Je vis depuis bientôt 10 ans avec Ampgel "DBK" que certains d'entre vous connaissent de par ses vidéos à l'époque ou elle en faisait. Elle sut des le début que j'était dévo et cela facilitât grandement les choses, elle n'est ma première expérience de vie sentimentale avec une femme amputée mais elle est la seule ou ma partenaire connait l'inavouable vérité. Les femmes amputées sont des être extrêmement rares et au grand jamais ne doivent être considérés comme d'unique objets de désir, c'est femmes sont fortes et mérite plus le respect et la considération que tout autre femmes ...



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Re: How do you feel being an amputee devotee?

Post: # 53988Unread post wcampdev
12 Dec 2020, 09:49

Effectivement, nombreuses sont les femmes qui méritent notre attention. parmi celles ci, les amputées ( j inclurai aussi les para/quad/tetra) sont particulièrement attractives, non seulement pour leur "différence physique" (elles ne sont pas que cela, mais c'est une partie de leur identité), mais aussi pour le travail qu elles ont du accomplir pour s' accepter et accepter de s exposer pour ceels qui l e font. En dehors de tout sentiment d attraction physique,( bon oui un peu quand même ;) ) c'est surtout la force dont elles ont du faire preuve pour surmonter l 'épreuve qui les rend attractive . Quelque soit le physique, de nombreuses personnes se sentent insatisfaites de leur corps, et l accepter tel qu il est , est signe avant coureur de rayonnement, et c est cela ce qui rend la personne attractive. Dans le cas de Ampgel, le travail qu' elle a du faire est encore plus méritant , car si je me rappelle bien , son accident faisait suite a une période ''particulieremnt compliquée" de sa vie, donc ce que j ai dit plus haut est PARTICULIEREMNT vrai pour elle, car ce relever de ce genre d 'épreuve n 'est pas a la portée de chacun. ( il y a des fois ou je ne suis pas particulièrement fier d 'être un homme). Félicitation a elle pour tout cela..et donc oui, forcement le rayonnement qu' elle dégage maintenant la rend particulièrement belle et attractive , et c est tout a son honneur ( même si je pense , elle se serait bien passer de cela )
Et content de trouver a partager en francais.



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Re: How do you feel being an amputee devotee?

Post: # 53989Unread post wcampdev
12 Dec 2020, 09:54

oups, i forgot to translate it:

Indeed, there are many women who deserve our attention. those among these, amputees (I will also include para / quad / tetra) are particularly attractive, not only for their "physical difference" (they are not just that, but it is part of their identity), but also for the work that they had to accomplish to accept and accept to expose themselves for those who do it. Apart from any feeling of physical attraction, (well yes a little anyway;)) it is above all the strength which they had to show to overcome the ordeal that makes them attractive. Whatever the physique, many people feel dissatisfied with their body, and accept it as it is, is a harbinger of radiance, and this is what makes a person attractive. In the case of Ampgel, the work she had to do is even more deserving, because if I remember correctly, her accident followed a particularly complicated period of her life, so what I said above is PARTICULARLY true. for her, because this sort of ordeal is not within everyone's reach. (there are times when I am not particularly proud to be a man). Congratulations to her for all this ... and so yes, necessarily the radiance that she now gives off makes her particularly beautiful and attractive, and that's all to her credit (even if I think she would have been fine without that)



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Re: How do you feel being an amputee devotee?

Post: # 54973Unread post legstump
23 Mar 2021, 11:47

I feel as a looser. During my whole life I searched for an amputee lady and that was some kind of disaster. Once I was in a bad emotional connection with a LBK woman (I prefer SAK with crutches). There was one marriage with a "normie" in the past, another one disaster. I'm about 60 now, seems a bit too late for some real chance.



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